Tips and Advice

ANGER

The Four A's of Anger Management

• AWARENESS - Recognize that anger is a natural human feeling. Everyone feels it, we just don't all express it appropriately.

• ACCEPTANCE - You are responsible for your own feelings. If you expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness, you will always be disappointed.

• ANALYSIS - You get angry at what happened, separate the situation from the person. The other person didn't "make" you angry.

• APPROPRIATE ACTION - Keep your life clear! Deal with issues assertively when they arise, when you feel the feelings - not after hours/days/weeks of stewing about it. It's OK to get angry, BUT the trick is to develop a positive, assertive style of expressing it. You, and those around you, will appreciate it.

CHILD POVERTY

Helpful link:

Renfrew County Child Poverty Action Network http://www.renfrewcountycpan.ca/

DEPRESSION

If you feel you are suffering from depression a physician should be consulted so that the condition can be evaluated. Some causes of depression are:

1. Biological Disorders - caused by a chemical imbalance involving a deficiency in one or more neurotransmitters (messengers) in the brain.

2. Heredity

3. Personality Types - pessimists, people with low self esteem and are easily stressed-out are more prone to become depressed.

4. Stressful events - loss of loved ones, financial difficulties and failures are some of the stressful events that can cause depression.

5. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) - may feel depressed in winter due to the lack of sunlight.

The three most common types of depression are:

1. Major Depressive Disorder (unipolar) - An episode of depression that happens on and off throughout one's life. The episode can occur suddenly or be triggered by a life event. The episode interferes with normal functioning and my last for months or years.

2. Dysthymia - This is not as severe as major depressive disorder. It may last for years and keeps the person from reaching his/her potential.

3. Manic Depression or Bipolar - Usually inherited, this disorder consists of highs (mania) and lows (depression). A person with mania usually suffers from insomnia, over confidence and increased energy.

Depression is the most common mental disorder and can affect people of all ages. It is also the most treatable. Depression doesn't have to ruin lives.

FETAL ALCOHOL SPECTRUM DISORDER (FASD)

For more information and other links Contact:

• Canadian Paediatric Society, 2305 St. Laurent, Ottawa, ON K1G 4J8 http://www.cps.ca 

FINANCIAL DIFFICULTY

The First step towards financial recovery is recognizing the problem. Think of your financial situation in the past 12 months and answer the following questions:

• Are you near, at, or over the limit on your credit card?

• Have you missed monthly credit payments?

• Are you paying bills with money that was meant for something else, such as your savings?

• Are you using credit to pay for day-to-day expenses such as food and clothing?

• Do you worry when you go to use your credit card that the transaction will be denied?

• Are you using one credit card to pay off another?

• Have you cancelled auto, medical or life insurance just to make ends meet?

• Are you working overtime or moonlighting to meet current financial obligations?

• Are you living on your bank overdraft?

• Have you been denied further credit because of your present credit rating?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you would probably benefit from professional debt counseling from your Credit Counseling Service. For more information, contact 1-888-204-2221.

Helpful links:

• Http://www.k3c.org  - K3C Community Counseling Centres in Kingston - then click on Credit Counseling

• Consumer Protection Toolkit: Collection Agencies (http://yourlegalrights.on.ca/resource/86068)

  When you owe a debt, your creditor may use a collection agency, a third-party business acting on behalf of the creditor, to seek payment. While collection agencies in Ontario must be registered and are regulated under the Collection Agencies Act, it is important to know your rights when dealing with one.

LEGAL RIGHTS

• CLEO, Your Legal Rights is a website of legal information for people in Ontario. This site has free, practical, and easy-to-find legal information produced by hundreds of organizations across Ontario

• http://yourlegalrights.on.ca/

PARENTAL DIVORCE RESPONSIBILITIES

Announce the divorce

• both parents should tell all the children together

• be as honest as you can about why the separation is occurring children need to hear that they aren't responsible, nor can they rescue the marriage

• give the child permission to love both parents

• update the reasons for the divorce as the years go by, repeat the reason for the divorce

Explain the new situation

• be honest about what changes you know will occur, i.e. moving, changing schools

• tell the kids the only thing that won't change is your love for them. Don't argue or bad-mouth each other in front of the children

• this is cruel and unfair- if it happens, apologize immediately

Custody

• ideally, children should have access to both parents

• don't let the custody battle hurt the children in any way

maintain child support

• getting even with an ex-spouse by withholding money hurts the children. They deserve and need the standard of living that they had in a two-parent family

Co-parenting

• agree on children's routines, activities and upbringing

• if you can't tolerate each other, get a mediator: a neutral friend, relative or professional

The non-custodial parent

• make yourself available to your children

• don't play Santa Claus all the time

• familiarize yourself with your child's "normal" routine. If she has ballet classes on Saturday, take her there, not to McDonald's.

Cross-sex custodial parent

• consider a Big Brother/Sister or same sex companion for the child

Family and friends

• keep up contact with both sides of the child's family the child has lost a live-in parent, not his entire family

Discourage reconciliation fantasies

 

PARENTING

I CAN AND I WILL:

• Look for ways to expand my understanding of children.

• Listen patiently to what children have to say and try to answer the questions they ask.

• Resist impulses to interrupt or contradict children when they try to share their ideas and opinions.

• Seek to be as courteous, fair, just and kind to children as I would have them be to me.

• Refrain from laughing at children's mistakes or resorting to shame and ridicule when they displease.

• Avoid tempting children to lie or steal. I can try to demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty is the policy that produces happiness.

• Hold my tongue when I am out of sorts instead of irritably lashing out at children.

• Remember that children are children, and not expect of them the judgment of adults.

• Provide all possible opportunities for children to learn to make their own decisions and to wait on themselves.

• Grant children all their reasonable requests, but have the courage to deny them privileges I know will do them harm.

• Strive to be a leader and teacher of children instead of a dictator.

• Think and act in ways that will make me deserve to be loved and respected and imitated by children.

KEEPING SAFE IN CYBERSPACE

Simple Tips to Protect your children on the internet

• Talk with your children about protecting their personal information online, and why this is important. Safety-proofing your home computer will only be effective if you ensure your children keep safe habits when they access computers away from home.

• Keep the computer in the family room, or a high-traffic room NOT in their bedroom

• If you have a webcam, make sure its unplugged when its not being used

• Tell your kids to NEVER fill out online forms that ask for personal information without your permission

• If your kids have accounts on Myspace or Facebook or some other social networking site, set up your own account and have them add you as a "friend so that you can check what information they make available

• On these networking sites, advise your children not to add anyone as a "friend that they dont know in person

• For children under 12, have a family account set up that friends can send emails to.

• For children who are ready for their own email accounts, make sure they pick a user name that doesnt identify them, their age, or their gender

• Advise children NEVER to meet someone they met on the internet without their parents approval and without you being there to ensure who they met really is who they said they are

• Have a conversation with your kids about the kinds of internet sites that arent appropriate to access. For example, sites that contain violence, pornography, hate, and illegal and dangerous content.

• Talk to your kids about online harassment, and let them know that if they receive messages that are threatening or that make them uncomfortable, to come to you to help resolve the issue